I Ordered Wonton Soup and I Got 100,000 Volts
by JolieK
Summary: Out of all the people in the entire restaurant, Shawn had to be the one to meet the bad guy. Shawn whump. One-shot.


Shawn! Whump! One-shot! Tasers!

I wrote this at 3a.m. when I couldn't sleep and was thinking about Psych and electricity.

I don't own Psych...sadly...awww...=(

* * *

In the mind of Shawn Spencer, there was only one cure to successfully solving a case without killing yourself. Actually, two. The first was pineapple and when that isn't available, Chinese food is your best bet.

It had been an amazing day. Shawn and his associate Burton 'Gus' Guster solved the case of the dead guy found in a dumpster and the big reveal of Shawn's 'vision' went swimmingly.

Right now, at the most run-down (but incredibly delicious) Chinese restaurant in Santa Barbara, Shawn couldn't hold it. He just couldn't.

"Guuuuuus! I gotta pee!" Shawn complained to Gus, who glared at him angrily from across the booth.

"I don't think there's a rule stating when you can and can't go pee," said Gus.

"But Gus…I also gotta…ya know…" Shawn leaned in closer, "Numero dos."

"Shawn!"

"But Guuuuuus! It's groody in there! And I gotta goooooo!"

"Then go, Shawn! Next time, don't eat so much freaking wonton soup!" Gus hissed.

As Shawn waddled to the bathroom, legs crossed as much as possible, he wondered why Gussy-wussy was so fussy today. He laughed in his mind at his own cleverness and saved the short quip in his memory for later.

The bathroom wasn't the cleanest place in the world.

Scratch that. Mike Rowe from _Dirty Jobs _would cringe.

The once sparkling white floors, ceiling, toilets, stalls, and sinks were now the color of mud. Fortunately, the smell of the amazing food overshadowed the disgusting bathroom. Sometimes.

Thank God there was only one person in the bathroom, who seemed to be loitering. He was nearly five inches taller than Shawn, mumbling to himself like crazy, and one of his jean pockets was bulging in an odd shape…

Well, Shawn didn't care at the moment. He just wanted to pee. Like now.

He ran into the closest stall, which was littered with writings and signatures that said things like: Elizabeth was here! 7-15-1994. Shawn smirked, remembering that summer.

Another said: 2012 IS THE END!

And another: Roses are red, violets are blue, and this place sucks.

After taking care of business, Shawn zipped up his pants and let out a long breath of pure relief and opened the stall door.

The Loitering Man was still there. He looked even more troubled and this time, he had a dark hood covering nearly all of his face.

Turning to wash his hands, Shawn couldn't help but speaking up, "You ok? I mean the egg rolls weren't that bad—"

"Be quiet," the man said shortly and sharply. Shawn let out a lonely whistle as he turned towards the sink.

Was he going to listen to The Loitering Man?

Of course not.

"Well, if you haven't gotten a bite to eat yet, I recommend trying to get that waitress with the pink shirt. She's hot and she knows exactly when to refill your drink."

"Just be quiet," he said more sternly.

Shawn examined the man, taking in every detail he could. He noticed all his clothes seemed new without a wrinkle or stain to its name.

Shawn thought he'd start up a conversation with the guy.

"So, where are you from?" Shawn asked. The man said nothing. He just absent-mindedly scratched his arm.

"Not much of a talker, are ya?" Shawn said. Once again, no response. Shawn thought the character was way too shady, so he tried a different approach.

"I've got this friend of mine, he's the head detective over at the police department—" The Loitering Man decided he didn't like that and started yelling.

"No! I won't go back! I can't go back!" he yelled. He also threw out something in a foreign language…Italian maybe? French? Fretalian?

"Ok, ok, ok! You don't have to go back. Let's just talk about this," Shawn offered, putting up his hands in surrender. He didn't like _that _either because he pulled a Taser out of that bulgy pocket and jumped at Shawn with grace similar to a wounded elephant. Shawn, now leaning against the sink, finally got a good look at his attacker's gruff face and wannabe Sam Elliot mustache.

The man's beady eyes were full of anger and fear as he grabbed Shawn's face with both his hands and smashed it against the mirror. Sliding down to the floor and seeing stars of different colors, Shawn saw the attacker lunge the Taser at his clear neck.

"Don't taze me bro…" was all Shawn could think as 100,000 volts of electricity seared painfully throughout his body.

Being Tasered was weird.

When the man had Tasered him, Shawn somehow got himself crammed behind a toilet in the stall closest to the sink and now other than being in the fetal position, his body was twitching violently and he felt like he was on fire.

Wondering where the hell Gus was, he began to sit up. Bad idea. He hit his already pounding head on the top of the toiler and saw even more stars.

Did anyone even hear the foreign guy screaming or the struggle?

Probably not, the bathroom was nearly entirely cut off from the restaurant.

Shawn looked for something to keep him awake.

As a kid, whenever he was bored, he would just look around the room and eventually find something to do. He could still smell the awesomeness of the food in the kitchen, which was good, he guessed.

Having his body wedged under a disgusting toilet wasn't the best thing in the world, but he could think of grosser things.

Like…oh! Once Shawn was dared by a bully named Carl Carter that he couldn't eat two worms. Gus nearly upchucked but he took the dare like the nine-year old man he was, not wanting to look like a wimp in front of the cutest girl in his grade, Sally. He puked for 2 minutes straight.

Bored, in pain, and sleepy, he started to sing, "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer…take one down and pass it around…98 bottle of beer on the wall…"

Shawn made it all the way to 73 bottles of beer when he heard a very familiar voice.

"Shawn?" That was…Gus. Gus!

"Shawn?" Gus called again. "Shawn! What happened?" Gus shouted, bending down next to his friend.

"I got tasered, dude."


End file.
